| | "Andrea, you're so easy to love."
Those words have stuck with me since a conversation with dear friends on Monday night. I'm not sure what to do with them. As much as I feel like I've been protected from a lot of lies about my worth in the midst of this mess I realize that I'm not completely immune to them. I know that because those words sound so different from the ones in my head:
"He wouldn't have done this if you had only been more (fill in the blank)."
"See? When they really get to know you they will run."
The voices that speak those lies are sinister and I loathe them. I picture myself stamping my foot and covering my ears and yelling, "Not true! That's not true!" But there are moments when I believe the words that I shout and there are moments when I say them and hope that one day I believe them.
In the heat of those foot stamping and shouting moments I am aware that there are parts of this battle that I must fight alone, however I am also discovering that I need a lot of help from other people. There are more communal aspects to this fight than I would have ever imagined. I need people who will continue to say the things that are true about me. I need people who will believe things on my behalf. I need people who aren't afraid to be seen in public with me when I'm puffy-eyed and unable to control the mascara streakage. I need people who will laugh when I say ridiculous things. I need people who will hold me when I cry. Sometimes I need people who will eat ice cream with me at 10 PM and other times I need people who will refuse to let me eat ice cream at 10 PM.
Wouldn't you know that I am finding out that people are happy to do those things and more? They don't feel burdened or overwhelmed. They're not running away scared. They love me and they're carrying my pallet through the crowd to bring me to Jesus' feet. They'll bust through a roof and lower me down if that's the only way.
It is good to need other people.
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| | Posted 7/8/2009 1:53 PM - 45 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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