| | ...never trust a heart that's so bent it can't break...
Today is packing day. Yesterday was sorting and liquidating day and tomorrow/Thursday are moving days, but today is packing day.
I've been dreading this a little bit. Okay...a lot, but I'm learning that it is possible to live and thrive even when what I dread comes to pass. What strange, resilient creatures we are! Or perhaps I ought to be rejoicing in the realization that I have built my house on a solid foundation? Let's face it - that remains an unknown until it is tested.
The testing, of course, also forces the recognition that the sense of control I claw at and often think I am maintaining is delusional.
Yesterday I read my journal entry from May 30. I do not remember writing these words, but I must have:
I want to know what it means to accept change not as punishment, but just as the thing that drives me to actually cling to you. The calm is just barely coating the deep sadness that I think is about to break loose.
I want him. I want us. Jesus, breathe life where there has been the stench of death lurking around the edges.
This is my Father's World, O let me ne'er forgetthe though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yetThere is no use in trying to make sense out of senseless words and actions, but what is clear is that they have resulted in a lot of clinging.
|
| | Posted 7/7/2009 10:25 AM - 37 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
